My Therapy
by ImNotTwistedImSpiral
Summary: "They forgot to protect me from the one person I fear and loath the most. Myself. They failed, and so did I. I failed at the one thing I promised myself I would always do: make my family smile. I failed. I am more of a nuisance than I am as a comic relief. I just get in the way. Everyone will be better off if I was gone." One-shot. Semi-happy ending. Please, review. Re-uploaded.


The clouds seemed to melt with every rain drop that hit my skin, the sorrow falling from the sky in buckets of ice, my sin sliding along the diamond, tear-shaped sky water as it cleansed my guilt, my self-loathing, but never washing it away. The negative emotions. They were… _always_… there. The sadness crippled my heart as the hands of my fellow demons squeezed the poor muscle into submission, dragging my soul to its knees, as strong and dangerous as the wind that never let me have a moment's peace as it whirled around me and fought against anything that stood in its way. The lightening that lit up the sky momentarily acting as my happiness in this painful, god-forsaken world I live in before retreating back into its dark, angry cloud. My cries drowned out by the loud crack of thunder. The storm outside having nothing on me and my storm that I go through every… single… day.

But I'm Mikey. The happy-go-lucky turtle that plays pranks and smiles all the times. Yeah, well, newsflash. I haven't been truly happy in a long time. It's all an act. After all, the happiest people in the room are always the saddest, always making sure everyone else is okay, making sure everyone else is smiling and happy, making sure the world doesn't fall apart while they are… slowly. But does anyone lift a finger to help me? No. I'm Mikey. I don't have any problems. I'm the naïve, childish, jolly little brother and a damn good actor, I dare add. Their Mikey wouldn't be watching the sky in total bitterness and hate while the rain fell from the sky, mixing with the tears as my body is wracked with pain and sobs.

They call me immature, a kid. I'm stupid and dumb. I mess everything up. Sure, I have a good heart but what good does that do me? What good does anything do me? I can't fix any of this. Everything is wrong and that good heart can't help me fix it.

Master Splinter can fix it. He singled me out more than anyone during training with that _Give-and-Take _method, but it worked. I'm a bit better now.

"You have potential to become an even better ninja than Leonardo," he tells me. "You are far more flexible than your brothers and naturally skilled, however, you lack focus and discipline in order to take your training seriously." He gives me a compliment and the takes it away with a "but," always with a "but." And it worked. And now, he could be gone, dead forever. I told Raph that he was a strong ninja that would pulled through this, but who am I kidding? Even the greatest warriors of all time die at some point.

I always thought Leo was just the perfect little leader, the teacher's pet, Splinter Jr. The martial arts semi master. Easily able to throw me on my shell in two seconds flat. He is always lecturing me into growing up and being more disciplined like him, just like sensei. Perfect little Leo. Leonardo, the oldest brother, the best ninja out of all us turtles. I used to agree with Raph when he would tell me that the more Leo trained, the bigger his ego became. But where is his skill now? The crippled leader with the bruised body. I'm afraid he will never get back to the way he was, back to the leader that we all know and love.

Donnie doesn't help matters either. Always calling me dumb and not to touch something because I will break it or mess it up. He thinks he is so smart. He is book smart, nothing else. He has no common sense. And he always calls me stupid and brainless, never stops to think that I might be a genius too, just in my own little way. No! That's impossible! I'm Mikey, the clumsy idiot. I bet he never thought of the possibility that I break his stuff out of spite. Some genius. He's who I blame for what has happened to Leo. If he hadn't had argued with Leo about the Mech then we wouldn't have gotten separated and Leo wouldn't have had to fight Shredder alone.

I have hardly spoken to April since all this travesty happened. She's the one to blame for everything that has happened to New York. She led an undercover Kraang to our home and started the apocalypse. She is the reason my father is missing, why Leo may never fight again. Even though she lost her dad too, I am so angry with her.

Raph. Raphael. The big, strong turtle. The one with the hot temper that I enjoyed teasing until he exploded and chased me around the lair, calling me every name in the book and insulting me with everything he had, unaware of the damage he was causing with every jab at confidence. But not anymore. Those pranks I pull on him-and everyone else- are merely routine now; just something Mikey will do for a laugh. You know, that laugh I do that sounds forced and humorless… to me. For everyone else, it's Mikey's signature laugh. I wonder what it feels like to truly laugh. I haven't done it in so long, I'm afraid have forgotten.

I suppose I shouldn't blame them though. I mean, I do love my brothers. It's not their fault that they are right. I am the screw-up, the goofy kid brother that everyone feels they have to protect just so he can stay alive. Little did they know that they have failed. They forgot to protect me from the one person I fear and loathed the most. Myself. They failed, and so did I. I failed at the one thing I promised myself I would always do: make my family smile. I failed. I am more of nuisance than I am as a comic relief. I just get in the way. Everyone will be better off if I was gone. I contribute nothing to the team now. I failed at my job. I was suppose to make everyone happy even if it made me miserable. Those were the cards I was dealt. That was the only thing I was good at. Keyword being was. I'm just a big, fat loser.

I looked over the highest cliff I found in the woods at April's farmhouse, staring at the natural landscape hundreds of yards below. It should be a quick, painless. I looked up at the sky again just as a bolt of lightening lit up the clouds, pushing me towards the edge, beckoning me to jump.

I didn't do this on a whim. I have been thinking about this for a long time. It's the right thing to do. It felt right because as soon as I made up my mind, I felt happier. I felt relief. I left a note on my door, telling my brothers what they weren't expecting when they'd come to wake me up for morning training. It should be daylight by the time they look for me, unless they think it's another prank by Dr. Prankenstein, and by then my tracks would have been washed away with the rain.

I wiped my eyes on my arm, looking down at the ground below and winced. What if it does hurt? No. No, let's just get this over with.

I stepped closer to the ledge that separated me and my fall and sighed, feeling the rain wash my skin with its pure moisture. I closed my eyes, forgetting everything I was about to do and everything I felt before this, even the warm embraces I gave each of my bros before they went to bed, just one last hug. I wanted one moment of happiness before I slipped away. Then, with a deep breath, I jumped.

It felt amazing. It felt freeing. Those negative emotions were slipping into the wind as I careened passed at lightening speed, drawing nearer to my destination, my face lifted toward the sky and my shell braced for impact.

"This is awesome," I whispered, inaudibly as the wind carried my voice away as the rain and thunder drowned it into the night, even when I let out my first laugh. There was no one around to hear it anyway.

My first laughed turned into another, then another until I was laughing uncontrollably against the storm. Then, I hit the water with a big splash. I swam back up and to the surface of the river I had jumped into. The same river that Donnie predicted flowed all the way into the New York Harbor. I could use the water to remain unseen by humans. I smiled. It's time to go find Splinter. It's time to do something right.

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><p>I arched my back to pop and message away those knots I get when sitting at my desk for too long. When I was through, I looked over my latest project and smiled. Just making it made me feel better. It's like my therapy when I am feeling angry or blue.<p>

I walked out of my workplace and into the morning light where I was greeted by my brother. I guess he noticed the dark circled under my eyes and the fatigued look about my face and body because as soon as he looked at me, he asked if I had been awake all night finishing my latest project. I nodded and smiled happily. He smiled back but I could see the worry dripping from his eyes.

"Don't worry. I'm fine. I will go to sleep tonight, I promise."

He didn't seemed satisfied by my answer.

"I better go wake everyone else up," I said to escape his worrisome stare.

"Wait! Aren't you going to tell me how it turned out?" he asked.

I turned around, walking backwards towards the house, and said, "I almost killed Mikey, but as soon as he jumped off the cliff, I changed my mind."

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><p>AN: The readers on this site keeps leaving me reviews on wtf is going on in this chapter. Allow me to explain.

It's basically a fanfiction within a fanfiction. The character that had just finished her latest project was an OC of mine and the project was the story about Mikey jumping off the cliff to go find Splinter. A lot of people thought it was Donnie about to murder Mikey. That isn't the case. However, I wanted you to think it was Donnie until the very last line when her brother asked her how her story went and she comments that she almost killed Mikey until she had him jump of the cliff to his death, then she changed her mind and had him fall into water instead to go to New York to find Splinter, to make things right. Hope I cleared up a few things. :D


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